Given the poor response to climate catastrophe worldwide, let us celebrate the unique British pioneering method of greenhouse gas reduction by killing your citizens and detonating your economy. Welcome to Brexitland Year Zero, the doctrine of our own fanatical Gammon Rouge.
The UK government’s COVID-friendly policies have offed at least 130,000 of its populace, many of them elderly. Even so, every one would have had a First World carbon footprint, and some of these would be well-off retirees with substantial incomes who would jaunt on cruises and long-haul flights regularly. Estimated carbon saving: each Brit emits about 8.34 tonnes of CO2e annually; therefore, we have saved over a million tonnes of emissions through COVID deaths.
The anti-pollution benefits of Brexit are manyfold: fewer trucks on the roads, exports down 68% and imports falling off a cliff, and of course the destruction of millions of SMEs, which has a double bonus: those shuttered businesses have ceased using energy, and all their employees have powered-down to a much lower scale of emissions. Indeed, on Universal Credit many people have a carbon footprint approximately that of a Malian peasant – unable to afford electricity and food simultaneously – a tremendous benefit to the atmosphere. Better still, those made homeless have a virtually-zero carbon footprint and will save the NHS years of money by dying prematurely.
Airline, automotive, and tourism industries, major polluters and carbon emitters, have been right-sized to minimal emissions. Well done, Brexiteers! You knew what you were voting for. Volunteering to forego your jobs is a worthy sacrifice for the benefit of the planet. With such foresight, you have stopped the potential carbon emissions of your children and grandchildren, as they won’t be able to access jobs or international travel.
You’ve shown those bicycling vegan frauds from XR what a true carbon reduction strategy that starts at home is.
We should not forget the sacrifices the financial industry has made. A lot of you lefties think the City is a financial casino that facilitates tax evasion on a giant scale. You are not necessarily wrong, but look at the positives: lots of very well-paid financial jobs will disappear in an economic collapse – no more Bali or Ferraris for those suckers. Wealthy people disproportionately cause direct emissions and their secondary effects: fine dining, importing luxury products, massive home renovations, will cut the emissions of restaurants, retailers, and the construction industry.
Many people have been calling for a reduction in meat-eating and more exercise. The destitute cannot afford either cars or meat, so we will have a healthier nation – those who survive, obviously – with considerably lower emissions. Farming and fishing are going to the wall, so those Brexiteer industries will save us a lot of CO2e. Fashion – again unnecessary, when rags will be à la mode. Musicians, arts, and culture: we’ve got rid of those emissions. I suspect the wimps who make up those industries will not be able to adapt to serfdom or domestic service, so will die or flee – let’s not forget the useful example of the Ukraine, which has had 25% of its population become economic migrants over the last decade or so.
Let us salute the Four Low-Carbon Horsemen of the Gammon Apocalypse: Johnson, Gove, Farage, and Rees-Mogg. By mobilising the Brexiteers to pummel the economy down to bath-tub size and drown it, they have done an immeasurable service to show it is possible to green a modern economy if you don’t give a shit about the people in it.